The extent to which my life is controlled by technology is amazing. I start every morning with my cell phone alarm waking me up. I moan and roll out of bed, take a shower, and then brush my teeth with an electronic toothbrush, while I listen to my stereo. I then check my cell phone to make sure it's on silent, put on my clothes, and head out the door, but not of course before I check my email and facebook.

I'm never far from technology. Text messages, facebook comments, video games, or the television. They are part of my every day life, and I can't seem to avoid them. My social life depends on these things. Without my cell phone, I would never know when my friends wanted to hang out, because I don't always see them at school. Without text messages, I wouldn't know when my jogging buddy was free to head out and pound some pavement. Without facebook, I would never know when the girl I like separates from her boyfriend (which happened today, inspiring this post). Without video games, my friends and I would no doubt need to be creative and find other things to do, since that consumes a lot of our time.

Yes, some aspects of technology are good, but most of them scare me. Inventing things to make life easier seems like the right thing to do in the short run, but in the long term, what kind of messages are we sending to future generations, and what kind of future are we giving them? Lives without hard work seem nice, but without hard work, where would we be in the first place?

Nowhere. Society would crumble, and the world would fall into chaos. And this is where I see technology leading us. Here are some (but certainly not all) of the bad ways in which technology has impacted my life, and the globe:

1. Technology can be an enormous waste of time - Instead of doing homework, or working, people find themselves wasting time on facebook, myspace, twitter, their countless email accounts, browsing blogs on xanga, or freaking out about how they are going to pay for their world of warcraft accounts. If we didn't have these things, our world would be much smoother, gain a little freedom from excessive procrastination, and people would have time to enjoy things in life that they wouldn't otherwise.

2. Technology can be harmful to our environment - Global warming, oil spills, chemical dumps, and just general litter seem to be directly intertwined with the development of technology. No, going on facebook probably won't kill off another animal species, but the chemicals released in the production of all the plastics and batteries in the computer just might. And that doesn't even take into account the dreadful amount of carbon emissions given off daily in the transportation of these consumer technologies. Not only do we pay in money for the newest and coolest gadgets, we pay in the lives of animals, and at the cost of the planet's future.

3. Technology can lead us to be too involved in things that aren't really our business - Yes, this is directed at you, facebook stalkers of the world. With the increased use of the numerous networking sites available, everyday people are giving out tons of information about themselves that people don't really need to know. I don't need to know what school my friends go to, or see all of their prom pictures, or see what their political affiliation is, but I sure can find out with a few clicks. And it's not just me who can do this, the internet is available to millions of people, worldwide. The government can easily access my facebook account, should they see fit. My creepy neighbor (completely hypothetical creepy neighbor) down the street could figure out who my friends are, where I go to school, who my siblings and parents are, who I'm dating, and even my phone number, should I choose to display it. Being able to easily connect with my friends is certainly nice. Knowing that someone could be stalking me for information, on the other hand is not. If I want to figure out if the girl I like is dating someone, I shouldn't be looking on facebook to see anyways, I should get to know her and ask her in person.

4. Technology can cause widespread laziness over time - This is what scares me most about technology. Everywhere I look I see that things are easier than they once were. Cars can now travel further and faster. When mowing the lawn, people don't even have to push the mower. There are machines to do the laundry and the dishes, and remote controls for the televisions and stereos, so we don't have to get up when the channel gets boring or the song is annoying. We have computers and calculators so that we no longer have to think for ourselves. With a few clicks of a mouse most math problems can be solved. With a little typing, most poems can be fully explained and analyzed. At the tip of a hat, the history of an event, place or person can be told and explained. Little knowledge is required to use a computer. If we continue the trend of blindly accepting technology, it's likely that not only will our need to do physical work be reduced, our need to do mental work will decline as well, and therefore our ability to think independently. And when people become reliant on others or machines to do the thinking, the results can be disastrous.

I really don't think technology is all bad, and in many cases it has helped move this backwards earth forwards. But when we begin throwing our minds out in a landfill, along with all the other poisons we have created, we aren't doing anyone a favor. The future generations won't thank anyone for spilling oil in the ocean, nor will they like it when more and more species face extinction due to a raise in global temperatures. Inefficiency can become rampant, and the forward progress that technology is intended to create can be lost in the ludicrous laziness that it incites.

I'm going to do my best from now on curb my own use. Yes, my love affair with technology has come to an end. We're going to break up, or at least limit how often we see each other. Now, it's time to make this separation facebook official, for all of the world to see.

Today, I've spent a lot of time thinking about love, and what exactly it is. After a failed relationship came crashing down upon my head last fall, I thought that I had been in love. I gave and gave and gave, all that I could possibly give. I treated my girlfriend the best that I possibly could. I went out of my way to make sacrifices that I would typically never make. And still, I failed. We failed. Love, had failed me. Or so I thought.

Maybe it wasn't love at all, I tell myself. There was definitely a connection, but was it bound to be ripped apart and shattered to pieces, leaving me in a melancholic isolation? Perhaps it wasn't love after all... 

Depending on the day, my thoughts tend to differ. Some days I'll say "Love is an immortal bond between two souls, an unbreakable, eternal bond that is established when two people are willing to give anything and everything they have for their partner, without doubt, or indecision." Others, I would tell you that love is a chemical attraction, a simple release of endorphins into the brain, that is fostered by our evolutionary need to survive. And then again, I find myself constantly thinking that love is subjective, and perhaps exists for all people, but is a concept that can not be comparative amongst different relationships... My brain says to follow my more scientific description, but my heart leads me elsewhere...

I feel pretty confident in saying that for the majority of the two years I spent in my last relationship, I felt like I was absolutely in love. Even afterwards, if asked, I would say I was still in love. Heartbroken, but in love nonetheless. But looking back, I don't see how it could be love, if my feelings weren't shared. I don't believe unrequited love is possible. Lust, perhaps... But not love. And yet, if it was not love, I am at a loss for words to explain the feelings I felt. Every time I looked into her eyes, saw the flash of white when she smiled, or felt her body against mine, there was an uncontrollable swell in my chest, as if some significant burden had been lifted off of my shoulders.

Being the committed romantic I was, I was surprised when my (now ex) girlfriend decided that she wanted to get a promise ring for the one year anniversary. Naturally, believing that I don't need a ring to symbolize my commitment, and that my actions speak louder than a useless piece of metal, I tried to explain the expense was unnecessary. But being incredibly attached, and wanting to be the best boyfriend I could be, I went along with it to make her happy. 

And as I first thought, the ring was really ineffectual. Seemingly randomly, we broke up a year later. I thought things were fine until I got the "Luke, we need to talk..." text message in September. So what exactly do promise rings mean? Apparently they make other people respect you and your relationship, but I doubt they made the relationship between her and I any stronger. The ring also failed to become a strong symbol of our commitment to each other.Nothing -absolutely nothing - can portray love in a more meaningful fashion than simple, everyday actions. To me, it seems like it was a misguided attempt at love, that turned out to be an irrelevant, meaningless hunk of metal. The fact that we "needed" a promise ring implies doubt, and a lack of confidence in the relationship, which can not exist to that extent in a truly loving relationship. No, what she felt was not love. What I felt therefore could not be love. I'd call it blind happiness, or maybe euphoric ignorance. But there was no bond between our souls and no everlasting connection.

No longer a symbol of "love" or commitment, my ring now sits in a drawer in my desk alone. I have burned or discarded any other souvenirs from that relationship. The girl I once thought was my future wife is now with another guy, and I no longer talk to her. But I have chosen to keep the ring. Why? It's an example of exactly what I don't want to do in relationships in the future. It's part of my definition of what love is not, and part of what keeps me searching for the true definition of love. I still can't exactly say what I feel that love is, but I know that some material good can not adequately describe or symbolize the intense feelings, connections and passionate emotions that are intertwined with the idea of romantic love. And so my search for truth continues, and my heart beats on, fueled by the flawed logic and ludicrous lack of confidence that will forever in my mind be represented by a simple gift - the promise ring.

My limbs feel heavy, and my eyelids feel as if they will droop over my open eyes any second now.

My leg is bleeding, my hand is numb, and my mind feels conjested with a day's worth of thoughts.

 But I don't mind.

Today, I invested all I could.

Tomorrow, I'll get it all back, and maybe more.

And it'll all be worth it.

...Hopefully

Every Monday morning at my school, during first period, one of the assistant principles comes on the loudspeaker and encourages students to stand and face the flag as they recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Ever since I found out that I wasn't required to stand or participate for this, I have not stood, not once. And here is why:

When I was in the 9th grade, I would consider myself to be an idiot. A rather stupid brute, who hated the world and didn't know why. I was a rebel without a cause and I loved it. I didn't care that I was ignorant of everything around me or that I was acting foolish, I just wanted to be an "anarchist" and lift my middle finger to the government and good ol' President Bush. I listened to punk rock and lit things on fire. So I did not stand.

In tenth grade I took world history, the advanced placement course. I learned of the world, and it's struggles from beginning to end. The conquest of America stood out to me as one of the greatest pillaging, ruthless acts of rape that the world has ever known. Of course, the history of the world is by no means pleasant, so I was still somewhat ignorant. But the question still remained; by pledging allegiance to the flag, what exactly was I pledging my allegiance too? I did not know at the time, but still, I did not stand.

In eleventh grade I took U.S. History, the advance placement course. This was a time in my life that I really began to take an intellectual look into everything and began to become much more aware of my surroundings. I realized the full extent of the God given right of the colonists to strip the natives of their land and massacre their people, I learned how the United States stole a significant portion of Mexico. And it was not only the people that suffered. After "Manifest Destiny" had been completed and the frontier was the Pacific Ocean (or perhaps Hawaii, after we stole that too), the land and animals were stripped of everything as well. Goodbye bison, goodbye grey wolf, goodbye great pine forests of the North. The Industrial Revolution came and with it The American Dream. Which in other words could be described as profit for profit's sake, and a select few taking advantages of thousands of others. "Hello immigrants, would you like to work in a factory for a salary that might enable you and your fifteen kids to survive?" And of course there is no other option when there is a family that needs to be fed and food that must go on the table. So thousands toiled in factories, mines, railroads, and various plants so a few lucky men could get rich and die fat. Eventually of course, the middle class boomed as the need for industry decreased, but is conformity and consumerism any better?

Where did they all go, the ideals that the great founders of this country had (they too, had flaws however... The Declaration of Independance and the Bill of Rights don't apply to slaves? Hmm... Alright)? They certainly weren't around during those periods of history, and I can't seem to find them now.

I am now a senior and I'm taking U.S. Government, the advance placement course and it has only made my opinion of this country slip even further off of the deep end, into a deep bottomless pit. People blindly follow political figures who could be leading the country into a grave. Democrat? Republican? They both mean the same thing. Politicians want power. They don't really care what they have to say, or what they have to do, they just want to see those government benefits when they retire and a majority vote for them in the ballot box when it's their turn. With all the bickering between Congress, and the President and all of the behind the scenes work of lobbyists and interest groups, nothing we think actually matters. What ever happened to the United States that was a DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC? I don't know, but I don't think anyone in Washington represents me, not at all. And so now, I don't stand.

Of course, it could be much worse. There are parts of the world where if one speaks a word against (or perhaps observe patriotic without participating, as I do) they are exiled or thrown in jail. There are places in the world where children are forced to eat garbage for dinner, and don't have shoes to put on their little dirt covered feet. I am not in danger of being removed from this country for speaking out against it, and I don't have to deal with the anxiety that a poverty stricken life entails. Perhaps this country could be considered "great", but what I question is not it's greatness, but how it got to be great. For example, who is deserving of more credit, a runner who wins a race but used body enhancing drugs to improve muscle endurance, or the runner who came in last but trained in a natural, more difficult manner? I'd chose the runner who came in last.

My point is, that this country stands for things that I don't want to represent or pledge my allegiance to. I don't steal, I don't cheat, and money certainly isn't my priority in life. I don't want to be a brainwashed drone and follow what I'm told is right when I know that in the center, the foundation is rotten. To be honest, I don't know if I even have the right to the pursuit of happiness anymore. If I stood with my peers and spoke the words it would be an applause for all those who lied, cheated and stole to get ahead; to all those who were crooked and dishonest, and to all those who built this country using every immoral method known to man. And that is not me. Perhaps the famous quote "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism" puts it best. When the Pledge of Allegiance no longer means pledging allegiance to something that is just, free, or even good, I think it's a good time to stop pledging. So, unless some unlikely drastic change in events occurs that sends the government in the opposite direction (steep, downward spiral) that it's been heading for the last two hundred years, I'll remain seated as the blind hold their hands over their hearts, and I won't say a word.

If there is one thing I don't understand about high school, I think it must be prom. Daily homework, the usual gossip and drama, and the stress of figuring out where to go to college don't even compare to the stress people go through about prom, even more so during senior year. This is supposed to be the happiest year of my life, and I can't say that prom, or the thought of going to prom has ever made me happy, not at all.

Last year (Junior year), I went the girlfriend I had at the time. That was a nightmare. I don't typically dress up, or dance, but I figured that I would suck it up and deal with it, just for her. She found her dress a few months before without a problem, and I decided that I should probably start looking for a jacket and vest, as well as a tie that would be reasonable and affordable (I had everything else already). But no, just "reasonable", wasn't good enough. I HAD to have the high-end tux and the vest HAD to be rented from a high-end tux store. Well, I'm not made of money... And neither are my parents... Naturally, I ended up buying a very nice jacket at a thrift store for a few dollars(despite the tears of my girlfriend). Of course I couldn't get away with buying everything from a thrift store, we had to compromise...She decided that if I couldn't pay for the expensive vest and tie, she would rent them herself...

Now, I'm a rather humble person, and I hate to be a problem. I hate causing drama. I HATE IT. So, I typically don't like it when people buy things for me, especially when I know that I will be unable to pay them back. But, my girlfriend insisted, and cried, and pleaded. I thought that I loved her, and maybe I did, so I let it happen.

Once everything was taken care of, all that was left was waiting. Thankfully I didn't have to worry about the intense stress of finding a date, as many of my peers. Still, as May arrived, I was secretly dreading the date, and she was getting more and more excited. She knew that I wanted no part in the whole thing, but she wanted everyone to see her in that expensive red dress even more. And so I let it happen, and shut my mouth when I wanted to say that I didn't want to go.

And then we went (after facing a photo barrage from our parents) . The dress looked fabulous, her hair was amazing, and I looked sharp. We got to prom and talked to some of our friends. Neither of us really wanted to dance. We hated the music. We got our picture taken once, and then we left. Now, as I understand it, prom is typically more than a half an hour ordeal. But it wasn't for us.

So now, I again sit, wondering about prom as everyone else is scrambling to find a dress or a tux. I had no fun, it caused a serious rift between my girlfriend and I, and above all it was expensive. It seems ludicrous to me that someone would spend so much money for the ticket, the dress, the tux, the hair, the dinner, and the limo in order to go to a place filled with people that they don't like or don't know. And on top of that, the music is terrible and the people are sweaty...  And yet people still ask me: "Who are you going to ask to prom?" and they still tell me: "You have to go to prom, it's senior year!" Maybe I'm being overly pessimistic about prom, but I can't help it. Yes, it is senior year, but does that justify putting myself through hell for a second time, on top of all of the other pressures that have fallen, into a heaping pile, over my head? No, this year I'm not going to let it happen. Not again.

For me, there are many beautiful reasons to live. Being in a place where I'm pretending to be something that I'm not however, is not one of those reasons. On prom night, I am going to get together with some of my friends who have avoided the fiasco like me, and I'm going to have fun that doesn't include getting sweaty next to a bunch of drones, getting blasted with a bunch of bozos, or having sex with someone I barely know that I will never see again after graduation. This year may not be the best year of my life, but I'm definitely not going to make it the worst by going to prom, again.